What Lies Inside
by DeepRedSky
Summary: Vash is back, and he brought his brother back as well. But now he must face things he left behind and things he never thought he'd face. (Rated M because it's tragic...and to be on the safe side.)
1. I've come back

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TRIGUN! And this makes me very sad inside....

This begins right after the fight between Vash and Knives. I know, I know, not a very original beginning, but hey! It's gotta start somewhere.

* * *

"Meryl?" 

Meryl turned from her spot on the porch step and looked up at a concerned Milly. She was holding a tray with two bowls of chocolate pudding, both covered with whipped cream and a spoon on the side. Milly sat down next to Meryl and quietly said, "I...wanted to know if you would like some pudding..."

Meryl smiled sadly. She took a bowl of pudding, even though she really didn't want any. "Thanks Milly." The pudding tasted exceptionally good. But her spoon finally rested on the half-finished bowl and her eyes stared into the sandy distance. 'Vash...' she thought, 'where are you?'

* * *

The blonde haired man panted in the intensity of the two suns. His hair draped around his face, covered in sweat. He was clad in a black body suit and was carrying another man on his back. Vash licked his cracking lips and looked over his shoulder to see his brother's own lips were parched and cracked as well. A sand storm had kept Vash off track for most of the day, but he knew that the town couldn't be too far away. Not too long after this thought crossed his mind, a few buildings began to take shape in the distance. Vash smiled and picked up his pace with renewed determination in his heart.

"Who's that?"

"No idea. Looks kinda like that tall spiky-haired guy that left a week ago..."

Meryl's head snapped up as she heard the last man speak. 'Could it be him?' she thought. 'Could it be Vash?'

"Naw, can't be him. He was all in red! This guy's in black."

Meryl put her head back down into her hands. Vash always wore that red coat. 'He always looked good in red,' she laughed to herself. 'Well, he always looked good in anything...' She mentally slapped herself. Since when did she get all googly eyed for that pea-brained, donut inhaling, irresponsible, broom-head of a guy anyways? 'You know you fell in love with him a long time ago,' the small voice in the back of her mind said. 'You've loved him for a long, long time. You just haven't got the guts to show it. What if he never comes back. You might have already missed your last chance....'

"Hey, come quick! He's fallen! Hey, somebody get a doctor!" Once again, Meryl's head snapped up. The man in the distance had indeed fallen to the ground, and the huge bundle he was holding was sprawled next to him. In fact, the bundle looked about the same size as the man. Curiosity got the best of her and she left the porch step, along with her bowl of pudding and a confused Milly. "Meryl, wait! I'm coming too!" Milly cried out, trying earnestly to put her shoes on.

* * *

"God, it feels good to rest...sleep...sleeeeeeeeep...why is the ground shaking?" Vash wondered aloud. About ten people gathered around the tired, heat exhausted man. "It's two of 'em! And that one there IS that guy!"

"WHAT?!!!"

Vash opened his eyes and stupidly looked up to the blue sky, but in his mind he thought it looked like a body of ice, cool water. He reached his hand up to touch the water, but he seemed too far away. Suddenly a familiar face hovered above his. "M-meryl? What are you doing in my glass of water?" Vash asked stupidly. Then everything went black as Meryl fainted right on top of him.


	2. Accept me

A/N: Please R and R! all support will be accepted with gratitude and will be rewarded with more story and a slice of toast.....er....well....yeah....

A/A/N: (as of 5-26-04) Yes, I know, short chapters, I'll add lots more and longer chapters, but I'm finishing up the school year now so it'll be wittle bits and pieces....but bribe me with more naked Vash's and I just can't resist kawaaiiiiiii!!!!

* * *

Vash slowly opened his eyes, rubbing the crust from them. He was in a room he had never seen before. The walls were pristine white with billowing white curtains waving in the breeze that danced through the window. A small, gray-haired man stuck his head in from the door and spoke in a wispy, weathered voice, "Ah, you're awake! Good, good...you had us worried there for a bit! But nothing too serious to worry over, just a touch of dehydration. However he'll have to stay for a bit longer to recuperate," he said, nodding toward Knives who, Vash had just realized, was in the bed next to him. "Drink some water, you'll be fine to go home real soon. That spunky short girl had quite a start, apparently. Fell right over when she saw you!"

"Meryl? Where is she?" Vash said, setting a now empty glass down on the bedside table.

"She's at her apartment, I'm guessing. I had to tell her myself that if she kept coming in to bother my patients, I'd personally stick a syringe full of tranquilizers up her-"

"Well Doc, I'm feeling much better!" Vash laughed, cutting the man off. "I'll come by later to check on my brother, okay? Later!" And with that he dashed out of the building and toward the center of town. "Meryl and Milly must've moved to a better apartment, that old one was going to the dogs!" He kept a pleasant facade, but on the inside he was very nervous. Mainly about how Knives was going to react to everyone else. He couldn't tell the doctor about who his brother really was, or else the doctor might have panicked. And the townspeople shouldn't know yet or they might panic as well. The only people Vash could trust now were Meryl and Milly. "I hope they'll accept my decision...Milly will be more accepting than Meryl...this is going to be difficult..."

Just as Vash turned the corner and in half a second found himself lying on the ground with instant pudding packs strewn all around him. "Sorry! Ah, I'm really really sorry!" said a tall figure obscured by another brown bag full of pudding packs.

"Milly?!" Vash cried, jumping up and hugging the air out of his friend. She gave a squeal of delight and, completely forgetting about the pudding and letting it fall to the ground, hugged him much harder.

"Vash! You're awake! Oh, good. Meryl will be very happy, she's taking a nap right now. Come on, this way!" Milly tugged on Vash's arm, nearly ripping it out of his socket.

"Uh..Milly? Shouldn't we pick up the pudding first?"

"Oh, silly me! Of course. I bought it just for you and your brother!"

Vash blanched and his fingers hovering over a packet of pudding. "You...you know about...about....Knives?"

"Well of course, silly. You and your brother look so much alike that when I first saw you I thought there was two of you! He's the one that caused all this destruction, right? Well there's nothing to fear, Milly is here! I'll make sure I teach that brother of yours the right way to live or else he won't get any pudding, no-siree!"

* * *

Milly is sooo fun to write about. such a great person. I'll try to write more later guys! meanwhile, R and R pwease!!!


	3. Welcome Home

Milly walked quickly toward a large building with a spring in her step as she hummed a song which was slightly muffled from the large bag full of pudding in her arms. Vash followed, throwing a questioning glance at the old building. It looked like it could fall at the slightest breeze. Milly looked over her shoulder and caught the look on Vash's face. "I know, it's not the homiest place in town, but Meryl and I were getting such a low income that we couldn't afford to live where we used to. And besides, Mr. Jeffrey is really nice! He taught me how to play poker!"

Vash laughed at the never-changing childness of his friend. As they walked up the creaking porch steps, a short man with thinning gray hair and a wrinkled but friendly face opened the door and let them in. "Why, hello there Milly! More pudding I see. And who is this fine chap?" the man asked, grinning at Vash.

"This is Mr. Vash, Mr. Jeffrey! He's a good friend of mine. Meryl's his friend too but you know how she can be around guys like Mr. Vash, always bickering!" Milly whispered, a bit too loudly though.

"Ah, I see," Jeffrey said, his grin becoming even wider. Vash wondered what these two were getting at when he was suddenly distracted from his thoughts as the sound of someone coming down the stairs caught his attention.

"Milly, is that you? Where have you-" Meryl stopped dead in her tracks. Vash set the bag down on the table, never taking his eyes off of Meryl. "V-Vash?" she asked. "I-Is that you?"

Vash broke out in a huge smile and swept her up in his arms. She gripped him tightly around the middle, smiling against his black suit. Then, as if burnt, she jumped back blushing. Before he knew it, Vash was on the ground with a swelling lump on his forehead where Meryl had just punched him.

"What did you think you were doing, you big goofball! You had Milly worried sick!" she yelled, placing one fist haughtily on her hip as she wagged her finger at Vash as if he were a naughty puppy. Then her expression softened as she began to walk back up the stairs. "Let's get you into some new clothes, Vash. That black suit must be very hot to walk around in all day!"

Vash stood up, rubbing his forehead with his prothetic hand, wondering why Meryl had to be such a fickle bitch all the time. Milly and Jeffrey were snickering behind him, and as he threw a glance at them, they looked around the room, whistling as if nothing happened. Vash stomped up the stairs, trying to ignore the roaring laughter that started behind him.

As Vash reached the top of the stairs, he found himself at the end of a long hallway with cracking plaster walls and old dusty picture frames encasing old paintings of scenes of sandy landscapes bathed in the sunlight of the two suns as thomases were frozen forever in a pose. There were about five doors that lined the hallway. Two on each side and one at the end. The one at the end of the hallways was opened and Vash saw Meryl rummaging through a closet.

"Well, come in Vash. This is where you'll be staying too, you know," Meryl said. Vash entered and saw that there were two squishy beds with a small kitchen-like area off to the side. "Bathroom's out the door and to the right," Meryl said as she plopped a long pair of jeans and a white button down shirt on the bed for him.

"Um, thanks Meryl." Vash flahsed a true smile at her. He never forgot a single thing about her the whole time he had been gone. The way she walked, the way she smelled, the way she smiled when she thought no one was looking.... Her hair had grown a little bit longer and she had gotten a bit of a tan. 'And she seems to have stopped wearing her white work suit too,' Vash thought with a grin as he gazed at the way her shorts and tank top fit her perfectly. "I missed you, you know," he said, still smiling.

Meryl slowly turned around and smiled back. "I missed you too. I-We were so worried. It's been rough around here, but not just with the money. It was just....quiet....around here," she said softly. "But anyways, you should go and change. Get a shower too, you'll feel better." And with that, she turned on her heel and strode out of the room and toward the stairs. As Vash opened the bathroom door, Meryl stopped and turned around.

"Vash?"

"Yes, Meryl?" Meryl blushed as he used her name and was glad the hallway was so dark that her flustered face wasn't that visible.

"...Welcome home."


	4. Turn Over

WOW...this fanfic isn't doing to bad yes, the chapters are kinda short, but once I finish this (and yes, I plan on finishing it and not leaving it half done like SOME odd people...cough _slackers.._coughcough) I will condence the chapters...or maybe I will when everyone's not looking...um...yeah.  
**Z.A.G:** I'm glad you liked that ending ...you're still in school? that sucks, I got out 2 days ago...and I thought today was thursday too (sweatdrop) so yeah, but thanks   
**Fox:** I love Milly to bits, and I have the same love for pudding that she does   
**neptunegoddess062:** Yeah, I have no idea where the "Meryl, what are you doing in my glass of water?" thing came from, but I figure it's something I would do if I were dead thirsty and began thinking random thoughts as a bunch of people crowded around me. But yeah, like I said, the chapters keep getting longer and longer, because I think of more (and better) plot ideas   
**Gennie Kag's and Sess's Child:** Oh, I hope you like Trigun so far I suggest you get the manga though. They just released the next book in the series in america (and in english because I'm too dumb to learn japanese in 10 minutes) on the 19th, and they have many sexy poses of Vash that you can look at and don't have to rewind over and over again on a VCR!

And thank you to all you silent readers out there who choose to not or can't leave reviews, I still love you! (glomp)

P.S...I'm having trouble figuring out how to put an asterisk on this without it going away when I save it...someone please help me!!!!!!

* * *

'Oh, god, what the _hell_ am I going to do?' Meryl thought to herself. 'Vash is back...Vash came back..._my Vash came back..._' Meryl subconsciously called him 'her' Vash nowadays. She couldn't lie to herself anymore and think of Vash as only her job. But to confront him about her feelings was something she didn't know if she could handle. Last time she tried, the words stopped on her tongue and in turn Vash left anyways. 'What did I expect?' she wondered. 'If I had told him how I felt, would he have stayed? It probably would have been worse on his part. He didn't know if he would come back alive or not....But he did come back, and I have no idea how to go about him. And his _brother_...I knew it was his brother, they look so alike each other, but the air around each of them is so different. My Vash has a light, warm feeling around him that blocks the horrible past he has had. But Knives, he's so cold I can't help but shiver. Him just being around is going to be extremely difficult, and if my Vash knew how I felt, he might crack...'

Meryl frowned as she hovered over the pot of vegetable soup she was stirring. After she watched Vash close the door behind him in the bathroom, she went down and helped Milly with the bags of pudding and began the pot of soup. The sound of the shower running and of Milly humming while she mixed all the pudding in a giant bowl were drowned out by Meryl's thoughts. She was so occupied with these thoughts that she didn't notice that the shower stopped five minutes ago and that a clean-clothed and totally refreshed Vash was standing right behind her.

"Wow! That smells good!"

"YAAAH!!!" Meryl jumped and nearly knocked over the pot but Vash's super quick reflexes and his prothetic arm saved the soup. Meryl clutched at her chest, gasping for air.

"Nice save, Mr. Vash!" Milly laughed.

"Aw, jeez, it was no-OW!" He grasped his forehead where the unwanted soup ladle had smacked him. "Owww! Hey, what's the big idea! That _hurt!_"

"You scared the crap out of me, you idiot!" Meryl said, one hand on her hip and the other wagging the soup ladle at his direction as Vash whispered under his breath, "_God, how bitchy..."_

Five minutes later, the three of them were eating their soup (or in Vash's case, happily slurping) at the small wooden table in the corner of their small apartment. Meryl was shooting disapproving glances toward the spikey-haired man as he slurped away, but she decided to not reprimand him and tried to enjoy her own bowl of soup.

"Ah-hem..."

Vash and Meryl looked up at Milly who cleared her throat and was standing up with that large childlike grin of hers. "Well, I wanted to save this for when Mr. Vash got back and since he is I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you!"

Meryl looked at Vash. Vash looked at Meryl. Meryl looked at Milly. Milly looked like a content little kid who had just eaten the greatest tasting ice cream sundae in the land.

"...I'm pregnant."

Two spoons dropped on the table and clanked onto the floor. Meryl and Vash jumped up and each gave her a gigantic hug. Meryl talked to Milly about making arrangements for their new addition as Vash gazed out the small window at the dark sky. A shooting star passed overhead. "Nick, you sly dog...."

* * *

Vash went back to the doctor everyday to check on Knives as Meryl went to her job as a waitress to earn their meager but much needed income. Milly was no longer working because of her pregnancy and Vash was still having trouble finding a job. Even though Meryl had started passing information that Vash's brother was actually the evil one and not Vash, the news spread slowly and many were still wary of him. Jeffrey, Doc, and the bartender across the street from their apartment were the only ones that truly trusted the legendary gunman and agreed to help him with Knives when Vash needed them. However, the only one that really knew about what Vash and Knives really were between those three was Doc. Vash told him a lot of things about his past, and though Doc was skeptical at first, he grew accustomed to the truth.

"Well, Vash," said Doc as he put away his stethoscope, "Knives is well enough to go home with you. He's still out cold, but he should wake up in a few days. But, ah, Vash? There was a, um, complication..."

Vash grew stiff, not knowing what to expect. "What is it, Doc?"

"Well, you see, I was able to fix your brother up like new. Except for the two bullet wounds in his legs. Both bullets shattered the bones to bits, and he can't enter a healing plant now because it's been too long. He...he might not be able to walk again..."

Vash bowed his head, a single tear falling onto the floor. "I understand. But he's alive, and that's all that matters, right?" he said, trying to smile. But his smile faltered.

Doc nodded. "Yes. From what you told me, you had no other choice. Your brother wouldn't have stopped if you were killed. We'd probably all be dead. And not only did you save your life, you saved everyone on Gunsmoke. Maybe...maybe him being crippled will give you more time to help him turn over a new leaf. But give him some time to accept the fact. It'll be a big shock to someone like him..."

Vash gazed at his brother, not knowing how to feel. He was devastated because his brother wouldn't be able to run free ever again, but at the same time he knew his brother might realize that plants and humans are equal and both bleed the same shade of red. Vash gingerly picked up his brother as Doc carried a wheelchair down the flight of stairs. Once outside, Vash gently put Knives in the wheelchair and, with a small wave to Doc, he pushed his brother toward their home.


	5. Released Tears

Thanks everyone for your support! Now, on with the story! But first, some replies...:  
**Puffin:** Yeah, this will suck for Knives, but no one seems to have done this angle before, so I'm gonna try it! -grin-  
**Missa chan:** Thankies! -anotherbiggrin- It's my first fanfic, so I was worried it wouldn't turn out so great, but apparently I'm doing something right if you all like it! Your replies make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!  
**Z.A.G.:** Aww, poor Knivesy-wivesy! Being treated so harshly by Zaggy-waggy...just think, even the most horrible person in the world can go all cry-baby-fetal-position on ya if they can't walk! Oh, and about Vash and his nonexistent job..he just came back a few days ago, so one: he didn't have much time, two: he was worried about Knives which leads us to two-and-a-half: someone has to watch over Knives, and even if you had Milly living with you and you had a psychopath brother unconscious in a small rundown apartment, would you trust her alone? lol...love ya buddy thanks for your second reply -blush-...on with the story...

* * *

Milly was mixing a pot of rice when Vash pushed the door open with his foot, his hands occupied with carrying his brother. Milly looked up. "Oh, let me help you Mr. Vash!"

"It's okay, Milly, I got him. But if you could bring up his wheelchair, that would be great. I left it at the bottom of the stairs. It's light so it shouldn't be to hard to handle," Vash said, smiling.

"Now, Mr. Vash. My belly isn't bulging yet! I can still handle myself like normal!" she said, grinning her childish grin once again as she hurried down the stairs.

Vash carefully placed Knives in his own bed. There wasn't quite enough room for the both of them there, and Meryl and Milly shared the other bed. "Guess I'll be sleeping on the floor…" he sighed. Milly came through the door as Vash rummaged through the closet for and extra blanket and pillow. Jeffrey followed her, dragging and extra mattress into their small room.

"Thought you might like this to sleep on," Jeffrey said, placing the mattress on the space between the two beds. After helping Vash make the bed, he grinned at the two of them and left.

"Meryl should be home soon," Milly said, going back to tend to the rice. Vash nodded and switched his gaze to his brother. It felt so odd sitting next to him, knowing Knives caused not only him but also so many others pain, yet he looked so innocent and calm in his deep slumber. He was snapped out of his thoughts as the sound of Meryl's footsteps sounded on the stairs. Vash realized that Knives might be a bit of a shock to her and jumped up, trying to cut her off before she got inside. He met her at the top of the stairs. "Ah, Meryl, before you go in there-"

"Vash, I've had an exhausting day, let's go in the room," she said, pushing past Vash and opening their door.

"Oh, shit," Vash said under his breath. Meryl walked right past Knives and headed over toward Milly to see what she was cooking. She froze halfway and ever so slowly turned around. She stared at Knives before her knees buckled from fear. The last thing she remembered was Vash catching her before everything went black.

"Gah, Milly!!!" Vash whined, adjusting Meryl in his arms. "Now we have two people knocked cold in here!" He laid Meryl in her own bed, gazing at her peaceful face. 'God, how I missed that face,' he said, grinning a bit. He tucked a stray hair behind her ear with his real hand. Vash knelt down and was eye level with the unmoving Meryl. 'If she were awake right now, she'd probably punch me,' he smirked. 'I wonder how she really feels about me. She acts like I'm just another grain of sand, lying there and only good for stepping on, but at other times she can be a pleasant and lovable person. Not to mention she's pretty attractive. Maybe we aren't that different after all. I hide myself under a facade everyday, maybe her feisty attitude is a mask for herself? Before I left, she tried to say something to me. I knew it was important, I could feel it from her, but she didn't say anything...what was she trying to say? I don't try to pry in people's thoughts, but if only I could listen to her that time. But would that have made me change my mind? Would that have made me stay there and let Knives continue his path of disaster? What is done is done so I can't go back and change it, but what we were playing with was worse than fire and at the moment neither of us knew it. Maybe...maybe we'll be able to start over...maybe...'

"Mr. Vash?" Milly's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He turned around, pulling on another grin. She smiled and said, "Supper is ready."

All they had to eat was rice and a loaf of bread. They set aside some food for Meryl when she woke up. "Best to let her get her sleep nowadays. Poor thing, working like a thomas in a sandstorm!" Milly had said. Though their meager income only allowed so much food at a time (now with two more mouths to feed, it was even harder on them), Milly was able to make their small supper taste fit for a god. With a content sigh, Vash leaned back in his chair.

"Would you like a drink, Mr. Vash?" Milly said, handing him an almost empty bottled. "We have a tiny bit of scotch left and I figure you can have it because you're the only one awake that can! I shouldn't have any alcohol now that I'm eating for two people!" she said, patting her stomach. Vash laughed and helped himself to the scotch, pouring it into his glass. He slowly sipped it, watching Meryl from the corner of his eye. "You like her, don't you Mr. Vash?"

Vash choked on an ice cube. He punched at his stomach a few times and the offending cube flew from his mouth and slid across the dusty floor. Though he never _truly_ admitted it to himself, he knew that there was always a special place for Meryl inside his heart. But he was always too afraid to get attached to her as danger always followed him. Milly grinned and said, "It's okay, I've figured you liked her for some time now!"

"You never miss a beat, do you, Milly?" Vash wheezed, in which Milly responded with an even bigger smile, "Nope!" Vash laughed and stood up to retrieve the evil ice cube. As he picked it up, a moan came from Meryl's bed. She was sitting up, rubbing her head.

"Oh, good! Had us worried there, insurance girl!" Meryl looked dazedly up at Vash and then at the bed beside her where Knives was still asleep.

"GAH!!!" Meryl fell from her bed and ran wildly across the room, nearly knocking Vash over. Vash caught her and pinned her arms at her side as he held her from behind. "Meryl, it's okay, Meryl!" he said gently in her ear. She still struggled a bit. "He's asleep, it's alright. He won't be able to hurt you. Calm down, Meryl..."

"W-Why is he here?" She said quietly, her voice fearful. "What h-happened? Why is he here?!"

"It's okay, Meryl. He's my brother and I'm going to take care of him. He's not about to hurt anyone either. Come on, sit down and eat something. It's really tasty!"

Meryl numbly walked to the table and sat down. Knives had given her hundreds of nightmares since Vash left. Nightmares that Vash couldn't stop Knives...Knives killing off whole towns...Knives killing her family...Knives killing Milly...Knives killing herself...Knives killing Vash...Knives killing her Vash...KNIVES KILLING HER VASH.....A tear ran down her cheek. Then another, and another. She sobbed and felt Vash's strong arms around her once more, along with Milly's. "Oh, Vash," she cried. "What happens if he tries to kill us? What happens if he just wakes up in the middle of the night and walks over and...and..."

"Shh, it's okay, Meryl, it's okay...Knives can't just...he can't just walk up and kill us. Meryl...h-he won't be able to walk. Ever...I...I shattered his leg bones in the fight. He won't ever be able to walk again." And all the unshed tears Vash had kept inside fell and mingled with Meryl's own. Milly just stood there, astonished. She alone was the only person beside Vash that understood. Though Knives was an insane murderer, though he had a hate for humans unrivaled by any other, he was still a breathing person and this new, unknown sense of weakness could shatter Knives' mind into more pieces than his own leg bones. Milly understood that it hurt Vash just as much, because Knives was family, Knives was his twin. She knew that Vash would suffer the same amount that Knives would. However, she also understood Meryl's own situation. Milly heard Meryl moan every night since Vash had left as nightmares of Knives murdering again flowed from her subconscious and echoed about the room. If Knives wished it so, he could forget his new disability and cause chaos from his own wheelchair. Soon, tears stained her face as well. The three cried for hours, one in fear, the other in grief, and the last in neither but for both.


	6. Sketches

Sorry for the lack of updates! Been excrutiatingly busy. This might be a tad short, but I'll add to it later. Just wanted to get something out for you hungry, ravenouse fans...so here ya go!!! First though, my responses:  
**Missa Chan:** Thanks sooo much for your support! ::blushies:: Love ya lots buddie!  
**Puffin:** Thank you lots and lots! I'm glad you enjoyed it! teehee  
**Z.A.G.:** Yeah, buddie, gotta watch those onions...but yes, onions and steak is very scrumptious...::drools:: Poor Knives, being tortured so...you're evil! just kidding...but then again, you did say you want to be just like Knives...A Homocidal Maniac (Like Johnny...::snort::) and biting people's eyes out...which is definitely possible....i've done it before....except not....

**AS OF 7-25-04!!!  
**I am back! With more story! ::thunderous applause...then crickets...:: I know, I know, I'm a bit of a slacker, but I just got back from vacation so nyaa!! Not a new chapter yet, more on this one, but I'm working on it as we speak. I did go back and I do want to change a few things in the story, but I'll be doing that once I'm done with it otherwise I'd never get to the end! Now for my replies!  
**angelarms:** Thanks! I'm very proud to be on your favorites! ::blushies::  
**puffin**: of course Vash-san can draw! and who said she was? o.O ....dun dun dunnn!!  
**Madam Midnight:** HA! that's what you think....sweet? I think not! lol well I guess it is right now so you're right heheh, but! I plan on bringing out the dark cobweb-laden corners of Vash out into the light! mwahahhaahar!  
**TheHomicidalManiac777**: Thankies! I try to update as much as I can!

* * *

The next week was harsh for the three of them. Milly went to Doc's for testing and advice every few days while Meryl was at work, leaving Vash at home with Knives. Knives seemed to grow a bit stronger everyday though he was still unconscious most of the time. But when he did show some signs of life, they were subtle and his face twitched slightly as if his eyelids were made of lead and refused to open. Vash tried to get some food in his stomach and one day succeeded in getting Knives to swallow a spoonful of applesauce, but that was it. Vash propped Knives up into a sitting position against some pillows and tried to talk to him, but his head just hung there as if he were a rag doll. In the end, Vash decided it was best to just leave Knives alone most of the time and ended up drawing on a sketchpad most of the day. He was getting much better at drawing and ended up creating hilarious pictures of Milly, himself, and even Meryl who he found was also fun to draw. 

One day, Vash found himself staring at the last page on the sketchpad. He also found himself without any ideas. His eyebrows knitted together as he rested his head against his prosthetic arm and he traced a circle over and over again. He absentmindedly added lines and more circles to the doodle. Then he added details and was about to begin shading when he realized what he had done. Without knowing it, he had drawn a picture that looked extraordinarily like the short insurance girl. "You are a piece of work," he spoke to the drawing. "You know that, right? Leave me here without you and you just have to pop up again somewhere else!" He laughed softly and stood up to grab some of Milly's famous pudding when he stopped. Picking up his pencil once more, he leaned over the picture and drew a heart. Inside the heart he wrote _ALWAYS_ in flowing letters. He then tore the picture out of the sketchpad, folded it in half, and stuck it under his mattress on the floor.

A soft, weak moan came from behind him. Vash turned quickly and saw Knives' face scrunch slightly. "Knives?" Vash said softly. Knives' hand twitched. "Knives, can you hear me?" Knives stopped moving and his face relaxed. Vash sighed and turned around.

"V-Vash?" The sound was so quiet that it could have been mistaken for a gentle breeze flowing through the open window. However, Vash's sharp ears caught the soft sound and slowly turned around. He gasped as he watched his brother struggle to move. Beads of sweat formed on Knives' forehead as he reached with a shaking hand toward his brother. "Vash…it hurts…."

Vash was there by his side in a split second, just as Knives lost consciousness once again. He was limp in Vash's arms, his breathing gradually slowing back to normal. Vash sat there, his tears flowing slowly down his face and onto his brother's. He cradled his brother's thinning body, hoping for a day when his Knives would be able to be happy and laugh and be a renewed brother, hoping that a day like that could come soon. Instead, Vash found himself hating himself for ruining his brother's life. Hating the way Knives was treated on the SEEDS ship all those years ago and the way he grew to hate all humans. Hating his own life knowing there were even better options to get through everything that happened and knowing that the scars on his body and in his mind may never fully heal. Hating…hating the way he hated so much at the moment.

And yet…deep down inside, Vash knew that he had so much to be thankful for. He saved so many lives, he saved his brother's life, and he saved the girls' lives. He even saved Nick's life a few times. And even though he died in the end, Vash knew that Nick was thankful for the friendship they had. "I can't save everyone from death," Vash said softly. "But I can help make this world a better place. And as long as I live, I will."

Vash carefully placed Knives back onto the bed and covered him with the wrinkled sheets. He stood up and walked over to the large bowl of pudding, grabbed a spoon, and ate in silence.

That night Meryl, Milly and Vash were sitting around the table playing a game of poker. Their dirty dishes were piled neatly in the sink, forgotten at the moment. Vash had been almost unusually quiet, but the girls decided to let it rest. They both knew that he had a right to act that way as much as they did from time to time. Milly was doing exceptionally well and had won twelve rounds in a row. Finally, they got bored of the game and ended up talking about random things, rumors and joking about this and that.

"You know what? I think I have a few names I could name my child when it's born!" Milly declared at a rather random moment. Vash flashed a true smile and said, "Really? That's great! What names were you thinking of?"

"Well, if it's a boy, I think I would name him Nicholas, after my Nick. I think he would be honored," she said with a misty look. Both Meryl and Vash nodded in agreement. "What if it's a girl?" Meryl asked.

"Well, I was thinking Nicole at first, but I think I like Dokora better, in honor of Nick's middle name."

Vash made a strange face and said, "I hope that's not a nickname and she'll really be called his whole name! Could you imagine her trying to introduce herself? 'Hi, I'm Dokonokuminomonjawaresumakinishiteshizumetarokakora, but you can call me Dokora!'" The girls laughed hysterically as Vash made a horrified face. He couldn't hold the face for long and ended up on the floor with them hiccupping.

That night Vash laid curled upon his mattress on the floor. He couldn't sleep; thoughts kept swirling around in his head. Some happy, others ones he didn't want to think about but couldn't easily push away. He was beginning to remember parts of his past that he couldn't remember for the longest time. The thoughts that he lost when his angel arm was used. In these renewed thoughts he could clearly remember the many things that impacted him throughout his long life. Surfacing visions of when he wandered aimlessly along the sandy planet with Knives before he was given his upside-down .45 Long Colt. So much time taken to create a gun that at that moment Vash saw as nothing more or less than a simple weapon. Yet even though Knives created the bane that destroyed so much on the planet on which innocent and guilty people alike tried to survive, Vash knew that Knives also had a sense of reasoning even though Vash didn't agree with him.

Vash remembered their conversations from after the fall and could remember every single detail from the way the wind was blowing at the particular moment to the way the horizon played tricks on his mind as the heat made ripples in the sky. He remembered one memory in particular, and as he sleepily closed his eyes, it replayed in his mind…

* * *

_-125 years ago-_

"Knives, where are we going? We've been walking for days."

"Does it matter, dear brother? This world is rightfully ours; it's our home so why should it matter at all? However, whatever way we go now, there is filth in our way that needs to be disposed of," Knives said, frowning. "We'll just have to destroy them all one by one and it's not our problem if they get in our way. It's not our decision of who dies first because we didn't tell those spiders where to live and if they get in our path, it's their destiny to die. Don't you agree, brother?"

Vash stopped and glared at Knives. "No, Knives, you know I don't agree! You know it. It's not our decision of who dies and who lives! Remember? Rem was right about this, Knives! You're big ego is blinding you from the truth!"

Knives grabbed Vash's collar, positively seething. "You can't learn everything you need to know to live from one insignificant person, Vash! I learned things from Rem, yes, but living with the rest of the crew on that stupid ship made me realize so much more! I found out so much more just by watching them. They were vile, reeking, dumb animals and that's all! We're nothing like them! We are superior to all spiders! That dumb crew, including Rem, tried to make plants seem equal to them! And do you know why, Vash?"

Vash was frozen to the spot and didn't move, because he knew that if he did, Knives might realize that Vash was completely frightened by his brother's insane eyes.

"Because they are afraid," Knives hissed, dragging out each word.

* * *

"Vash! Vash wake up! Vash! Oh, god…. VASH!"

He bolted from his mattress on the floor, entangling himself in the thin sheet. "Whaizid?" he asked stupidly. Meryl was backed up against the wall, her eyes full of fright. Milly was sitting in between Vash's mattress and Knives' bed and was nearly in tears. Knives was screaming like a banshee and his arms were nearly ripping the sheets in half.

"Knives? Knives, wake up!" Vash cried, trying to hold down his brother's arms that were tearing at the bed. His eyes were wide open and tears flowed from them onto the sheets. He lurched forward and made a grab toward his legs but Vash held him back.

"VASH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THE PAIN STOP!! THERE'S SO MUCH PAIN!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"Meryl!" Vash yelled and the insurance girl jumped. "Meryl, go and get Doc! HURRY!" Meryl nodded and sprinted out the door. "Milly, do we have anything to numb him at the moment?"

"We only have one try of ice cubes left, will they work?" she said, tears still flowing from her own eyes.

"They'll have to. Put them in a bag, we'll numb his legs until Doc gets here..."


	7. Humbled by the Pain

Well, I DID add to the last chapter, but apparently that's not good enough to be considered and "update" for well. Here's some more story. I didn't finish this chapter but oh well, at least want to give you nice folks some TRIGUN!!! ::vash has a sexy mole!::

* * *

Knives grabbed Vash by the shoulders. His eyes were unfocused and he shuddered as he whispered, "V-Vash. Make it s-stop, Vash. I'm sorry. Th-they did it. Just make it go away…make them all go away! P-please, Vash…oh, god…please…."

Knives sobbed into Vash's shirt. Vash could do nothing but wrap his arms around his brother as his own tears began to fall. Milly held the bag of ice against Knives' legs and watched them through watery eyes. Though the two couldn't understand what Knives had just rambled about, they were totally caught off guard at the sight of him crying. This killer, this mass murderer was weeping as if he were a child as he sat cradled in Vash's arms. He was mumbling inaudible things under his breath with a look of sheer terror on his face as sweat flowed from his brow and mingled with tears.

The sound of footsteps pounded up the stairs as Meryl ran back into the room followed by Doc. He took from his bag a small bottle and a syringe that he filled with the fluid from the tiny container. "Vash, I need you to move so I can give him this. It's a painkiller and should stop it quickly," Doc said. Vash nodded and moved away from the bed.

Knives glanced nervously at the needle and then at Vash. "It's okay, Knives, it'll make the pain go away," Vash said softly. Knives nodded and then flinched as Doc stuck the needle in his upper arm. He laid his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes. His breathing slowed until it was normal once more.

"I don't know what else to do now. When did he first wake up?" Doc asked quietly as he took some supplies out of his bag.

"Well, he did wake up for a few minutes yesterday, but besides that he never really did anything except move his hand or his head a tiny bit," Vash said.

"He should've been awake sooner," Doc whispered. "I'm afraid he might have gotten an infection. Maybe his body was trying to fight it off and ended up using most of his energy. I would like to have a look at his legs, if you don't mind."

Vash nodded and turned to the girls. "You might want to leave. You know…"

"Of course, Mr. Vash," Milly said and the two walked out of the room and closed the door. Doc removed Knives pants and unraveled the bandages. They were slightly bloodstained and the wounds were swollen and a little bloody. Vash bit his lip, and stood back as he watched Doc clean the wounds. _This is my fault_, Vash thought. _I didn't cause the infection, but it's still my fault._

Doc rewrapped Knives' wounds and put his pants back on. Turning to Vash he said, "I know this must be hard on all of you. Knives is going to need some medication to help him fight off the infection. Now, I know you guys are tight on money, so I won't ask you to pay right now, with both you and Milly unemployed. If you could come and help me at the office, I could count it toward the medicine and Milly could watch over Knives. I don't think she'll have a problem with him. She's one tough cookie, she is." Doc laughed and turned to go out the door. "I'll stop by early in the morning to drop off the medicine. Talk with the girls about what I said and if you all agree you can come back to the office with me. Goodnight, Vash."

He turned the doorknob and walked out the door, said a quick "goodnight" to the girls and walked down the stairs. Meryl and Milly slowly went back into the room and sat at the table. Vash sat down next to them and explained what Doc had said to him.


	8. Caged Heart

**whoa...  
**SOOOO so sorry I haven't updated in...gulp...forever...My computer is being extremely stupid. And the last time I updated was right before I got mono. so yeah, it's been tough, but now I'll try to get this thing up and rollin' again! First, some thank-you's...

**Madam Midnight:** Thankies thankies, Madam!  
**TheHomicidalManiac777:** I know, I know, I will update sooner...and this time, if something happens...again...I'll still try to update.  
**Saraki:** gotcha buddy!  
**vashluver1: **heheh. those two were just meant to be. I really don't think it should be rated mature though...hrmm...  
**Neptune Butterfly:**Thanks, I didn't truly intend on having chapters as short as this, but (before the whole hiatus thinger) I thought it'd be better to have slightly shorter chapters and more updates instead of forever long chapters and months inbetween posts...though i'm sorry for the lack of postage...  
**fairyskye:** Yeah, I was playing on how Knives is one of those "I'm invincible!" types of people...(random monty python flashback with the black knight...funny stuff)...and I thought, hey, this would be a good opportunity to ...(oops...almost gave a spoiler...heheh)  
**Degan:**Thanks! I noticed how Knives just doesn't like pain and how it seemed so strange to "such a superior being" to actually be hurt.  
**josh:** Don't worry, it's not the end of the story...I was just on hiatus due to completely screwed up timing for very bad things to happen. I hate it too when the story gives cliffhangers like that. It's even worse when it's one that I'm writing...  
**snwbnny:** Thanks!

"So…basically…I'm going to work with Doc for a little bit. So we can pay him back," Vash said, trying to smile a bit. Meryl and Milly both sat staring at the table. Milly looked up at Vash and said quietly, "I can take care of him for now. I'll do my best, Mr. Vash."

Vash tried to smile again and hugged her. "Thanks Milly, it means so much to me right now. I-I hope he won't be too much trouble for you."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine. I can take care of him!" Milly giggled. Yawning, she stood up and stretched. "Well, you two better get some rest. You have to go to work tomorrow, you know!"

Vash nodded and stood but Meryl remained sitting. Vash turned and said, "Something wrong, Meryl?"

"N-no, no. Nothing's wrong. I-ah…I'm just…going to go outside for a little walk. I'll be back in a few." She stood, grabbed her thick coat, and walked out the door, closing it behind her. Vash turned and glanced at Milly who was already in bed.

"I'll be back too," he said and without waiting for her response he went to catch up with Meryl. Walking quickly out the front door he ran in the shadows so Meryl wouldn't notice him. But the small woman was nowhere to be found. Scratching his head, Vash looked around in confusion. _Where could she be?_ he thought. A small sob caught his attention. Then another. Vash walked quietly around the old building andtoward the source of the noise. He reached the corner of the building and stopped. He knew full well that Meryl was just around the corner, and he also knew that she would wring his neck if she caught him listening. But once again, Vash risked his life and listened as the young woman confessed everything to the blackness of the night that pressed upon the world.

"Damn...why am I like this? I'm glad Vash is back, but how the hell are we supposed to all live like this? Milly's going to have a baby. Our income is too small. There's a psychopath laying injured in our apartment. And...and...crap." She looked pleadingly up to the stars as if hoping they would provide an answer, and of course they gave none. She held her head in her hands. "And...yet...Vash is all that's keeping me sane. Whether he knew it or not, he was the one keeping me alive. All those times I wanted to die because I thought it would lighten the load...he would do something or say something worth living for. Then that day he left..."

Vash, who was now sitting back against the wall, lifted his head. A lone tear-streak dried into the parched desert night. He listened intently to Meryl's voice unknowingly confessing everything to him.

"That day he left, I was afriad he might never come back. I thought he might...god, I can't even think of it. And I tried to tell him...but the words wouldn't come out. I felt so stupid, gawking like an idiot. Besides, would he have stayed if I had said it? Would he have failed, knowing he had more weight on his shoulders? But Milly told me I could tell him when he got back. And now he's back. But...I still haven't told him. I haven't told him...that I love him..."

Vash bit his gloved hand so he wouldn't make whatever noise that wanted to escape his throat to do so. He wanted to scream for joy and to cry out in pain at the same time. He could feel her suffering throughout the whole situation, but at the same time he was so happy he could jump off a cliff. Instead, he got up and, as quietly as he could, he snuck behind Meryl. He wrapped his arms around her fragile body and whispered in her ear, "I love you too."

Meryl jumped and spun around, pushing away from the tall man. "Whatthe _hell_ do you think you're doing? You-you think you can just eavesdrop on me like that? Did you think you could...did you...w-what?"

"I mean it."

"I-I...erm..."

"I know you mean it," he said with a grin.

"H-how much have you heard?"

"Everything."

She looked at the ground. So he found her out. And he felt the same way. Looking up again, her violet eyes met his sea foam-green eyes. He stepped toward her. Meryl thought for a split second he was going to kiss her, but instead he just held her close to his chest. Meryl began to cry into his shirt, thankful that he knew exactly what she needed at the moment. Not a kiss. Nothing hot or passionate. Just someone to hold her close and would be there for her forever. She could feel the metal bars that covered hisheartthrough his shirt. Though his heart was caged, his love was able to seep through the bars.


	9. Voice of Reason

Bleck, I'm sick today. But I'm also quite bored and I have had an idea for this next chapter for a bit, so I've decided to write a little today. Sorry about the length of the last chapter, I thought it was longer than what it really was, but to add more would, in my mind, just not fit in right. But I'll try to keep the chapters a tad bit longer (grin).

**igbogal:** Thanks! Yeah, pain is just a sucky thing that nobody likes, and it does evoke sympathy, even if it is a psychotic murderer (wink). Beauty mark smooty bark, he's got a sexy mole! (heheh, actually it's an inside joke with my friend...but that's okay). Oh, and don't worry about the mono, I don't think I made it clear...I got over mono right when school started again (luck for me) and then my computer crashed after...but thanks for the hugs anyway!  
**cinafran:** Actually, I'm not out of school...you're the real lucky one. We (as in everyone who is not a senior...because they get out early) get out on June 14th...so much kudos to you! Hehehe. Thanks though! I'll try my best to keep this up over the summer so you can read! (and I'll try to not contract any freak diseases...sigh...)

For the next two weeks, Vash and Meryl worked from when the suns rose to when they set. The income was still a bit unstable, but they were thankful to have such understanding people help them out. Every so often Jeffrey would leave them some leftovers he had so they wouldn't go with such a small supper every night and Doc said that he might cut the price for the medicine a bit.

The two would come home completely tired but were greeted with a cheerful Milly who's cooking would brighten their spirits immediately. One night she even made pudding. They sat on the front porch gratefully enjoying the desert. Milly finished her bowl with great speed and bid them all goodnight. She stated that she wanted to read some of a book that Jeffrey let her borrow. For the first time since Vash heard Meryl's confession, the two were alone on the rickety bench.

"Vash?" Meryl said, setting down her empty bowl.

"Hmm?" he said and turned to her with a big grin on his face.

"Did-did you really mean what you said? That night, I mean…"

Vash cocked his head. "Of course I did. What, don't you trust me?" he said playfully.

"It's not that…it's just…I never figured you would like a plain woman like me, you know?"

Vash leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "Ah, I see. Is this about the whole 'womanizer' reputation I have?"

"Huh?"

"People think I'm some sort of womanizer and I go after all of those gorgeous girls and stuff." He leaned in as if telling her a secret. "But even if I have chased a skirt here or there it doesn't mean I haven't been looking at some _real_ cuties," he whispered as he nudged her arm and winked.

Once more Meryl punched the legendary gunman, though this time it was much more softly.

Cool air flowed in through the open window and made the weathered curtains billow into the room. The moon's light shown in the small dark room and landed upon two silhouettes lying on the bed. Milly was sleeping soundly under the thin white sheet that in a few months would bulge with the woman's pregnant belly. Now it just hugged her large figure just as she hugged the stuffed bear in her arms.

Just a short distance away Knives slept restlessly. Unbeknownst to the sleeping insurance girl, he was twisting and turning in his bed sheets and an occasional whimper escaped his lips. _The pain…the pain! Why am I feeling so much pain!_

Through his agony, Knives was recalling memories through his delirium. He found himself on the ship being beaten by that fool of a spider. He recalled when Vash shot him in the leg. When Vash shot him with his angel arm. When Vash shot him during their duel. All those times Vash, his own dear brother, pointed his weapons at him! Vash wanted to hurt him! All those times! Knives just couldn't understand why Vash would point his gun at him instead of those wretched beasts who were leaching off of their Eden.

_Why didn't you just kill me! It would have been so much easier, and you never even tried! Stupid brother, any sensible being would have done that first, if they so wished! Even though it would have been in vain…we are superior, we cannot be killed…we are as gods…._

But even as Knives thought those words, a small voice surfaced. It was a voice that sounded much like his own.

_Who said Vash even wanted to kill you? Who said you were so powerful? Who said you were superior?_

…_Who said you couldn't be killed?_

It was this doubt that appeared in his mind that scared Knives. But what scared him the most was that the voice was right. _His_ voice was right. His voice of reason was always there, but he was so set on his ego and his pride took over. His ignorance made him assume that because he was more advanced than humans he was above them.

_I AM ABOVE THEM!_

_WHO TOLD YOU THAT?_ The voice had grown and echoed with the same force.

_I KNOW THAT I'M ABOVE THEM!_

_HOW DO YOU KNOW?_

_I COULD DESTROY THEM WITH THE BLINK OF AN EYE!_

_THEY'RE THE REASON YOU'RE EVEN ALIVE NOW!_

_I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!_

_YOUR BROTHER TAKES CARE OF YOU NOW!_

_MY BROTHER IS AN IDIOT FOR SIDING WITH SCUM LIKE THEM!_

_Oh, but your brother seems to be doing just fine with them, doesn't he?_ the voice hissed. _He's happy. You're jealous. He has people who care about him. You had people who cared for you because you made them do so. He has a life. You have nothing and so you try to force everyone into the plan for your selfish little Eden you know you might not be able to create!_

"AAAAAAAARGH!" Knives cried out in frustration and agony. His legs felt as if they were on fire. He clawed at his pillow and bit down hard on it. Tears streamed down from his cold eyes. Milly woke in the next bed and rushed over. He shoved her away and she fell back onto Vash's mattress.

"Mr. Knives!" she shouted and quickly tried to calm him down. She ripped the sheet of his bed and stepped back in horror.

Vash and Meryl hurried up the stairs to see what all the noise was about. Meryl stopped in the doorway but Vash sped over to his brother's bed. He blanched as he looked at Knives' legs and picked up his writhing brother.

"Meryl! MOVE!" he shouted and she jumped out of the way. Vash took the stairs two at a time and jumped the last few as gracefully as he could with a man just as big as him wriggling in his arms. The two girls ran to try and catch up with him, but just got out the door as they saw him halfway across town. They followed him to Doc's and barged through the door and to another room marked **Surgery**. They saw Knives out cold lying on an operating table and hooked up to all sorts of tubes and machines. Doc had put on rubber gloves and was setting rather sharp-looking tools upon a sterile table.

"Out, out, everyone OUT!" the small man commanded and the three flooded into the main room.

Vash was in a state the two girls had never seen him in before. Tears streamed down his face and he began kicking over chairs. Meryl flinched with every kick and Milly sat in the only unturned chair. She began to cry as well.

"WHY!" Vash screamed as he pounded his fist against the wall. A picture fell and crashed upon the floor. Meryl walked toward him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"W-what's going on?" she whispered. Vash turned and looked at her. His face was red and tears ran uncontrollably down his face faster than they ever had before. He sank to his knees and grabbed Meryl's arms. He sobbed into her stomach before giving a muffled answer.

"I-it's all my fault. If I hadn't shot him…he wouldn't have to…he…." Vash broke down before he could finish. Meryl knelt down and held him in her arms.

"Milly what happened?"

Milly gazed at Meryl with tearstained eyes. "Oh, Meryl. It was awful. His feet were turning black. It was as if they were dying while he was still alive," she said and then she covered her face with her hands.

"The medicine didn't work," Vash mumbled. He gripped the back of Meryl's shirt and looked into her eyes. "It wasn't just his feet, Meryl. It was more. He's…he's…" he gripped her shirt even tighter.

"…He's going to lose both his legs…."

* * *

That's it for now! Please R and R!


	10. In the Silence

Once again, I am sick...(grumble) Just to let you all know, the last chapter was hard to write because I kept thinking about this kid in our area who is going through a similar thing. There's a teacher at my brother's school whose son had a freak accident where he scraped his elbow and a freak infection set in. His limbs are deteriorating and he just woke up from a coma. But now they are planning amputations on I believe a foot, part of his left arm, and fingers from his right hand...but I could be wrong. This kid is only 9 years old. So if everyone could please pray for him, that would be so great. It's just so strange...I planned on that last chapter before the accident happened. But anyways, if you could all please just keep this kid in mind and pray for him. Thanks.

* * *

**igbogal:** Heheh, can you imagine the look on Knives's face if you did that? I'm imagining the look of an angry little toddler. Quite funny. (grins mischievously)  
**Aine of Knockaine:** Thanks! I am feeling much better now, actually! And just in time for Cinco de Mayo tomorrow! Can't miss out on Cinco de Mayo, especially with a spanish teacher like mine! (just think of the tacos...buhuhuh...oh yeah)

* * *

Knives slowly came to. He opened his heavy eyelids and the room gradually focused. He was in a white room and a soft beep rang out in a steady beat. He tried to sit up but as soon as he moved his stomach flipped and he nearly threw up. Dots swarmed in front of his eyes so he shut them tightly. Hislegs felt terribly strange. There was a wierd tingling sensation that did not want to stop. The door creaked open but Knives kept his eyes closed. Footsteps thudded dully toward him and stopped just before his bed.

"Knives?" someone whispered very softly.

"Vash."

"How-how are you?" Knives opened his eyes. Vash's face hovered a foot away from him. Knives didn't answer and turned his head the other direction. He did not want to talk to anybody right now. He didn't know why, but he just didn't.

"Knives," Vash said and held Knives hand. Knives snatched it back. Vash sighed. "Knives, I-I'm really sorry. You know I am. I never wanted you to go through this. You understand, don't you?"

_Oh, I understand all right...it's only natural to shoot your brother, right?"_

_...only natural to shoot your maniacal brother..._

Knives faced Vash. His brother kept glancing down to the edge of the bed. He had a look in his eyes that told Knives that he was holding back tears. Vash bit his lip and asked, "Are youin a lot of pain, Knives?"

"My feet feel numb. I can't move them."

Vash stood up so suddenly that Knivesstarted.

"Vash?"

Vash backed up, his face horribly pale, and he ran out of the room. Milly was fast asleep in a chair and Meryl was curled up beside her in another chair with her eyes wide open. She sat up as Vash rushed to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Vash, what's wrong?"

"Meryl, I can't tell him. I can't, Meryl. It's one thing to lose a limb and know about it as it happens," he said holding his prosthetic arm in front of her. "But he still thinks they're attached to him. He's feeling phantom pain. If I told him, the shock might get to him. He-he can't handle it. He didn't even know that he would be handicapped before, but now...now he's lost both of his legs, and...God, Meryl, what am I supposed to do!"

But before Meryl could reply, a bloodcurling cry came from the next room.

"_NOOOOOOO!"_

* * *

_It can't be true. No, I can still heal. I can be perfect again. I can, I can, I can!_

Knives had been listening to Vash's thoughts as they echoed through his head and poured out his mouth to the small woman. Any other time Vash would have noticed his mind being entered, but his emotions numbed him and so Knives heard every word. He shakily pushed himself up against the metal bars, fought against the wave of nausea, and ripped back the white sheets.

Vash ran into the room followed by an ashen Meryl and a sleepy-eyed yet worried Milly. Knives paid no attention to them but stared at the bloody bandages. Instead of thighs, knees, calves, feet, toes...there were just two small stumps. Knives gagged and threw up the little contents in his stomach onto the floor beside his bed. Meryl clapped her hands over her own mouth and Vash rushed to Knives's side.

"Wh-where are my legs!" Knives said in a quivering voice.

"Knives, we had to. You must under-"

"WHY ARE MY LEGS GONE!"

"The infection didn't go aw-"

"_WHERE THE HELL ARE MY LEGS!"_

"They had gangr-"

"I-I, no, I, no, NO, _NO!"_

"Knives, get a hold of yourself!" Vash yelled, pinning down his brother's arms. Knives was shaking and he clenched his teeth. No one spoke a word. In the silence, a cloud formed from all of the fear, pain, grief, regret, and disbelief of the high running emotions filled the room and suffocated them all.


	11. Exhaustion

Woo! No more sickliness! AND, was just at a Good Charlotted/Simple Plan concert on monday! Sorry for the lack of updatey-ness...whole bunch of crap happening at once...

Update on Sean...he did have his amputations (I believe it was his left leg below the knee, his right foot, his right hand, and fingers on his left hand). Right now he's grouchy but MUCH MUCH better. He's asking for chocolate and all sorts of stuff that kids love, butfrom last I heard, he can stomach crushed ice. But his progress is coming along very nicely. Please keep him in your prayers.

On a much sadder note, there was a school shooting at an elementary school parking lot nearby. Not like Columbine, but it scared the crap out of everyone. It was a domestic dispute between a mother and her boyfriend. Apparently the boyfriend shot her and then shot himself. It is very sad...so please pray for the child of the mother, who is in kindergarten, and for everyone around the area who are mourning and need comfort.

Now for some thanks!  
**Miko Miko Nurse1:** So sorry that that last chapter wasn't as long, I thought that it would just be crappy to try to write more instead of stopping at a good point. But I'll promise to try and make them longer, unless I feel the need not to!  
**Ms.Critic:**...Wow...yeah, might want to lay off Cops...But I'll tell you right now, everyone, that Milly will not be going out with Knives. She was loyal to Nicky-poo and Nicky-poo only! Besides, she's pregnant now with his child, remember? So, sorry all of you MillyxKnives fans, but t'ain't gonna happen!  
**Pailay:**Oh, don't worry, things will lighten up...hopefully! Heheh, I really don't want to give away anything...except I just did above...eep...oh well, not like it'll spoil the story. Yeah, the whole thing with Sean was heart-breaking, yet creepy for me because I had already decided the fate of Knives's lovely legs beforehand...coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences...but this was just creepy...thanks for reading though!

Now, for the story!

* * *

The entire group was exhausted. The grief that took hold of each of them continued to strangle their minds in the hours that came after. Knives was once again asleep in Vash's bed, and had been so since dawn. Everyone spent the early hours of the morning at Doc's place until Knives had finally fallen asleep in Vash's arms. He had been throwing any object within his grasp at anyone who came within throwing distance. He damned everything and everyone. He screamed and cried, Vash could hear his brother's cries in his head and almost had a fit himself. But Vash kept a cool head and just embraced his brother until Knives completely broke down and sobbed into Vash's already tear-stained shirt. The two sat there for hours until Knives was fast asleep. When Vash was sure he was out cold, he untangled himself from his brother's grip and talked to Doc. Doc said maybe it would be best if Knives stayed there. Vash only shook his head and said no thank you, he had troubled him enough,picked up his brother'ssleeping formand quietly motioned for the girls to follow. Silently, they made their way back to their room. Knives slept soundly in Vash's bed, but everyone else sat around the table. No words were spoken.

Vash had downed three bottles of whiskey,which thebartender had given him the day before for stopping a bar brawl, and hiccuped softly. Tear stains left a salty path against his cheeks. The two insurance girls sat motionlessly and just watched the poor man drink. As he finished the last few drops, he gazed drunkenly at them and smiled sadly.

"You two shoul' ge' some sleep..." he slurred as Milly yawned. She nodded and walked back to her bed, but Meryl stayed put.

"You'll be alright, won't you, Vash?" she asked timidly. He nodded slowly. She gave him a quick hug and the lightest kiss on his cheek before she climbed under the covers next to Milly. She gazed sleepily at Vash as he gazed out the window at the last setting moon. Just as it fell out of sight, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

Vash continued to look out the window until Meryl's soft snores reached his ears. He gazed at her small face, sadly wondering if she would stick with him through all the things they must now go through. Their small income was still as small as ever, and Knives would complicate things to a whole new level. Not to mention, the insurance girls had their jobs at Bernardelli on the line. Vash knew that Meryl would stay up late every once in a while to write reports to the company, but he never heard the typewriter click more than half a paragraph. Vash's "hazardous activities" haven't happened and now they no longer could lie as to why he was a problem to society because society has not cried out to the insurance company. So they knew that at any time now they could receive a letter calling them back. Vash could only hope that they would refuse...

The suns rose drowsily and tomas squawked sleepily as the light flooded the town. Vash's eyelids felt heavy. He rested his head in his arms and slowly drifted to sleep.

_"Vash...it's me, Vash..."_

_The golden blonde found himself lying in a familiar place. A sky so blue surrounded him and he had the strangest sensation of flying while at the same time he could feel a solid floor beneath him. He blinked and looked over to his left. Just inches from his side sat a beautiful woman with jet-black hair and a most welcoming smile._

_"Rem..."_

_"Hello, Vash."_

_"Rem, why-I mean-"_

_"Hmm," she sighed. "You wanted to know why I'm visiting you when you said you wanted to follow your own path, am I right?"_

_"Well...yeah."_

_"Oh, Vash. You are going through tough times. And we both know that things will get harder. For you and Knives both, and even Meryl and Milly. I have always been watching you, ever since the Fall. And I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you."_

_"Rem..."_

_"I've always thought of you two as my sons. Even though Knives has done horrible things, I still love him as my own. I am so thankful you chose to keep him alive. Though I know that it was hard for you to do that. Either way would have saved lives, butit isn't about overcoming an enemy. It's about changing the one who caused the suffering so that there is more good in the world instead of getting rid of the bad. The bad will always be there, no one can change that. But the amount of good depends on who takes the initiative to make the world a better place for everyone. Do you understand, Vash?"_

_"Yes, Rem," Vash said with an appreciative grin._

_"Oh, I'm sorry, Vash. You wanted to stick by your own morals and here I go again, preaching to you," Rem giggled._

_"No, no, it's alright. In fact, I knew that all the time. It's just a comfort to hear someone else say it. Even more so from you."_

_Rem wrapped her arms around her adopted son. "Oh, Vash. You've grown so big. But you'll always be the little baby I've grown to love," she grinned as she ruffled his spiky hair._

_"Hey, stop that!" Vash laughed. They both sighed and gazed at the sky that surrounded them._

_"I'm so proud of you, Vash," Rem breathed._

_"Hm?"_

_"You have created some true good upon that sandy planet. Even though you have made hard decisions, sometimes so hard that it meant you had to-to go against what you were taught, you have always done the right thing. I just hope you can save Knives and help him to see," she said softly and closed her eyes. Vash looked away, knowing she almost mentioned the time Legato forced him to pull the trigger._

_"Rem?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"...Thanks. Thanks for everything."_

_"You're welcome Vash," she said and hugged him once more. "So...on the first evening a pebble...from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world..."_

Vash closed his eyes as he listened to the song. It was almost like he was drifting back to sleep, yet he could feel the hot desert air dance around his face. He drifted back to consciousness. Pale eyelids opened to reveal pools of marine-colored eyes. Vash blinked a few times, and sat up. There was no noise in the room, except a small muffled sound that was hardly audible. Vash turned toward the source of the sound and his eyes met the weeping sky blue orbs that belonged to his brother.


	12. Emotional Scars

Sorry for the long rant that was once here. I decided to delete it due to the fact that it was huge and was a big ugly black smear in the middle of my story. Now that I am certain that Ms. Critic no longer has an interest in bothering me, I will continue with my story!

But first:  
**Fallen Angel Mitsu: **Heheh, you fill me with joy. Thanks for sticking through my awful ranting and stuff. Keep up the good work on your story! It's a good read!  
**sailormoon613: **Aw, thanks! Yeah, I'm sorry about the whole spell-it-right thing. I wasn't trying to harp on people who can't spell or use grammar correctly. I do it too (like the review I put in, I said "right" instead of "write." That's a nightmare for me. I don't know why, I just bash my head in when I switch the two...) It happens to everyone, and the way to get better is to keep on writing! (yes, got it right!) I just cannot take a person seriously when he (or she, for those politically correct persons out there) criticizes me as a person and what I enjoy when in a blind and unjust anger constricts their spelling and grammar. It actually makes me laugh, having someone trying to top me when in all actuality creating a fool of themselves. Heheh, I better stop before I create another 3 or 4 paragraphs of ranting...thanks for the review!

AN: Here is where Vash and Knives use their telepathy with each other. From now on, I will mark all telepathic conversations as such/_Blah blah blah, yadda yadda./_

* * *

Knives was crying...

Vashwas dumbfounded at the sight of his brother who sat in his bed, arms wrapped around his muscular torso. Knives looked almost...childish. Though he had seen him cry before, Vash had never seen his brother in this state before. Vash had not even known it was possible for his brother to even be in this state before, and frankly, he was not sure how to handle the situation. Slowly, Vash stood up and headed over to his brother's bed. Knives looked up at him with his tear-stained eyes, not even bothering to hide his weakness. Vash gently sat down on the end of the bed and opened his mind.

_/What can I do to help you, Knives/_

Knives shot a look at Vash. He knew that his brother was a plant, a superior being like him, but the fact that he could still use his power to speak to him telepathically still astounded him. Even during their last battle, Knives was still surprised. But, of course, there were more pressing matters at the moment, and Knives did not have time to think about that then.

/_You can go to hell, dear brother. That's what you can do for me./_

Vash bowed his head and looked at his hands. _/Why do you cry, Knives/_

_/Why the hell do you think I cry, Vash? You know the answer! It is because I have a brother like you. It is because I lost you to those worthless spiders. It is because you have CRIPPLED ME FOR LIFE! But of course you knew that. You knew that, but you still ask. Why would ask me that if you already knew the answer/_ Knives shot back angrily.

Vash's eyes locked with Knives's. _/Knives, there is another reason why you are crying now. I asked because you must admit it to yourself./_

_/What are you talking about/ _Knives spat mentally.

_/It is because you are afraid. You cry because you are a-/_

"That is a lie!" Knives hissed audibly. Milly stirred in her bed and turned. The two waited until her even breathing once again drifted from her lying form. Knives glared at his brother before turning his head defiantly. _/I do not fear anything. Why should I when I am an obviously superior creature on this horrible planet/_

_/...You don't even fear your own weakness/_

Knives tensed.

_/Knives, you can't possibly hide it from me. I know that you are afraid. You are afraid of your own weakness, and I can tell because I have been around humans enough to-/_

_/Do NOT compare my feelings to those-/_

_/-Enough to know when someone is hiding an emotion. Fear is...well, it's a bit like love. It is hard to admit that you are in love with someone because you don't want to feel the rejection if that person does not love you back. But once you admit it, the world seems to be an infinitely better place to live in. I know that if you could just admit that you are afraid, you would feel much better and we could get through this together./_

_/Absolutely not. I refuse./_

_/I am just trying to help you, Knives. As your brother./_

_/Brothers do not try to permanently harm their brothers./_

_/I did not know it would come to this./_

_/THEN WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME/_

_/...Why did you shoot me/_

Knives faltered. He was stuck. He was so set in his mind that his brother was the villain. But now he wasn't so sure. Knives was about to tell Vash that he started it first, that he pointed the gun at him first during their last battle. He wanted toyell atVash that is washim whoshot him first all those years ago when he handed Vash his gun. He wanted to shake Vash for shooting him with his angel arm...but...

/_Knives, please, get some rest. It's too late for this. We can talk later if you want./_

_/Yes, that is what I want. I do not wish to continue this tonight./_

_/Okay. Get some sleep, brother. Good night./_

Knives did not answer. He turned his back to his brother who crawled onto the mattress beside his bed. Tears continued to flow down his face and landed on his pillow. All these years, Knives thought that his brother was the one who needed to be guided, the one who would not see the light. Vash was the bad apple in the family, albeit a small family for just the two of them. Was he wrong? COULD he be wrong? When did it all start to go wrong?

Steve. It was when Steve...Knives could not even bear to bring back that painful memory. That horrible man. If a human being could go that bad, then there was a chance they all could. So that made them all dangerous, filthy, and untrustworthy...right? There was no way such superior beings, such as themselves, could be as despicable as those horrid humans, not a chance. Therefore there was one option: to destroy them all, including the one he knew as his "mother." She had the same risk of becoming evil, just as all humans did, so he saved her from an awful fate. And even if she had lived and had not turned evil, she would not have to put up with the ways of her people around her. So he let her die.

But then Vash retaliated. Oh, the sadness that filled his heart when his own brother, his own flesh and blood rejected the notion of destroying the evil that was to fill the world they landed on. The planet named Gunsmoke could have become Eden instead. When the two of them went their separate ways, he began to forget some of his memories of Rem. If Vash would have stayed, they would not have gone quite as easily, but then againhe made an effort to forget. She was no longer there and did not have a say in what he could or could not do. But of course, Vash had to remember.Vash had to live by her creed. That just pissed him off. So to try and change Vash's mindset he sent his minions, his disposable servants, to try and teach him that humans can, indeed, become evil, bloodthirsty, and selfish to the core. But what he could not understand was why his dear brother did not sway from his beliefs, and not only that, but Vash would mar his body in the process. Vash was one arm and what seemed to be at least half of his skin short.

_But wait, he lost his arm because of...oh, my..._

Knives suddenly felt sick. _It was me. I was the one who did the largest amount of damage on his body. The scars amount to nothing compared to that..._ Knives had never thought of it that way before. He had handled the situation in the completely wrong way. He himself had resorted to violence, just like those filthy spiders. _I must have spent too much time with them...that must be the reason. That HAS to be the reason. I must make it up to him, someway...somehow. I may be crippled, but it must be some sort of sign that I have gone about the situation the wrong way. But I willnot worry about those filthy spiders now. I must make amends, and I must do it soon._

Knives rolled over and looked at his brother's sleeping figure. He could see his brother's scarred hand lying on his strong chest. Knives watched as it rose and fell with his brother's deep breathing. The scars on his hand were deep, but now Knives realized that the emotional scars that he created had run much, much deeper than he could ever have had imagined before...


End file.
